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Why do I keep sabotaging my goals?

Its been a common cycle for me all my life. I will have the ideas, the tools and set the plan in place…and then… I do something that will prevent success.  In so many areas…  I have settled  for much less than I am capable of.  I have let myself sabotage my efforts.

Are you like that too?

Today I am thinking of my goal of losing 15 pounds. It used to be 5 pounds…then 10…now its 15.  A few months of intense emotional turmoil and I added another 5 pounds to the pretty consistent weight I have held for a few years which I consider 10 pounds over my personal ideal weight.
I can get a few days into the new plan and then I will make some move that totally throws me off my game. I restart and stumble… I’m being transparent again.  Lately I seem to have given myself a lot of grace when I stumble and the lesson I learned today is helping me figure out why and how I can help myself thru this season in a better way.

This week for instance, I set my goals of doing HIIT (intervals) and weight lifting 3 times a week and on alternating days I will do yoga for an hour leaving one day as a rest day or catchup.
Sounds great. Sounds like a plan. I get a few workouts and yoga sessions in and feel like I am winning.

and then….
I get to the beach with my husband and a cocktail…or two… uh… ok… three.
Hey..someone left some amazing gelato in the freezer!! YUM!!

Mashed potatoes with my salmon…ok…next day I get the cup of minestrone and salad.

I’m left by myself for the day today and the wheat thins and spinach artichoke dip on the balcony with a Corona Light sounded like a good thing.
And tonite’s balanced meal was 2 cups of romaine lettuce drizzled in balsamic dressing and a slice (well 2 tiny slices together) of cheesecake.

HOORAY>> I drank water with lemon tonite. #win

I began listening to a podcast while on the treadmill tonite getting some steps in for the day and continued listening while doing dishes and packing up. Before the cheesecake and salad.

They were talking about binge-eating and one woman’s experience. One point they made was the SAFETY of the SABOTAGE!

Wow. I guess I hadn’t thought about this for a while.

I guess I can kinda qualify as a binge eater.  I can eat the whole bag of chips…box of crackers… or multiple “servings” of just about anything at a time followed by a big serving of guilt/shame and self-c0ndemnation.

…This podcast hit home tonite.

This podcast talked about how this woman knows the insecurity and the instability of life and that is a known “neighborhood” and when things start to go right and good she will take herself back to the “known place” by binge-eating. It might not be a nice neighborhood but she knows it. It isn’t a place she wants to be, but it is familiar and known. The peeks into the successful goal-achieved neighborhood are kinda scary and she needs to take the small steps to keep moving herself toward being okay in that new neighborhood. Some relationships were so unhealthy in the past…but…bringing awareness to how our minds operate and helping ourselves see that certain behaviors are not getting us to our goals, using the right tools and mindfulness we can forge new ground into the new neighborhoods and find the success and stability we desire.
The occasional dips into the binge eating are not WRONG or BAD but acting as a messenger to look at what the behavior is saying…what triggered it?  what are the benefits your brain thought it was going to get?  how can we have a plan in place for the next obstacle so it doesn’t involve a bag of chips and slices of cheesecake and the cycle of regret/shame?

We can be calm and non-reactive when we find ourselves dipping into a behavior that seems to be sabotaging our progress. Look for the message. What is it saying? Accept it… Learn from it and move forward to the new neighborhood.

I will be thinking about the message of my “extra” 15 pounds and my current written doable plan…and why the chips and dip, Corona Lights and cheesecake seemed like it would work toward the new neighborhood of healthy and fit 53 year old?  Have a plan in place to talk to my husband when I am contemplating it so he can help remind me of my goals and help me make a healthier choice to indulge in SOMETHING that soothes like a warm bath, music, listening to my recorded voice memos, a walk outside.  Taking action toward the “new neighborhood”.

Do you find yourself also slipping? Do you think it could be from a sense of safety of knowing your territory and the feeling of insecurity of challenging yourself and possibly winning?

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