Loss is loss. There is no timeline for grief.
When its been 2 months… or 2 years…or 20 years after the loss of a loved one and the memory hits a spot that brings all the feelings back; let it. That person was worth it. That person is worth a moment of remembrance and a breath of gratitude for God allowing them in your life.
Lately I have been trying to get back on track with a few endeavors and it seems more like my entire being has been telling me to slow it down and keep slowing down. Enjoy the now. Enjoy the moment before me.
I just spent a weekend in a fantastically beautiful historical resort with lots of activity available and what my whole soul wanted to do was simply rest. Stay in bed until 10. Make a cup of coffee right there in my room and sit and read. I didn’t leave the room at all until 12 when my husband’s conference was done and we would eat lunch together. Then..because he is also feeling worn thin, we would head back to our super quiet room and nap for an hour before making our dinner plans. It was DELIGHTFUL. It was absolutely perfect for what my body and spirit needed. A reprieve. A respite. Rest.
This week I have been diving into a pile of paperwork and phone calls. The IRS needs better music to listen to. The costume store I bought the grandchildren’s costumes from has some seriously good music. A few other places really need to update their “our recent menu has changed” (no..it hasn’t…its been like that for 5 years)
In random moments, it’s been hitting me again… the waves of remembering that last week with my Dad. Those special moments. The tears have fallen. And..then I smile…and I thank him for everything. And I thank God for him. And I ask God to please let him know in some way that he mattered and that we miss him.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline. There isn’t a right way to do it and there isn’t a wrong way unless, I guess, if you let it consume your thoughts and everything gets out of balance.
My daughter and her boys moved closer to us. Sure, it is 9 miles closer but we sure are enjoying the nearness!! 10 miles away just seemed to be “too far” for a quick visit. Now, we can quickly do dinner together as extended family, help with daycare runs and a doctor wellness visit.
Today, simply enjoying seeing those boys run around the big yard has brought the sunshine to balance out the memories of telling my Dad that” this was it..his body was shutting down and saying goodbye.” I still feel that sadness and I can still “see” the tiny tear that formed at the side of his eye. He knew. He understood. And I spent the next two days speaking encouragement to him and loving on him and trusted that he could hear me above the breathing machines; he knew I was there.
I’m not in any hurry to rid myself of the sadness. I’m just riding it out…letting it happen.
Do you have experience with losing a parent?
Did you find the same thing? That it works to just ride the waves and live in gratitude and love?
How are you doing now? How are you balancing the emotions?