Be open to the possibility that nothing remains the same and that when your plans shift and change, its not necessarily a loss.
It is a lesson in this season for me.
I am digging out my “office space” after using it as a storage space for all those things I was going to do “later”
It kinda resembled a hoarders situation. It was scary.
It was intimidating to say the least.
Notes written over 5 years ago…to emotional to deal with before now. Receipts from a season that I wish would have gone differently. Piles and piles of notes on my Beachbody coaching and how to be the best version of myself and inspire others.
Which made me laugh… yes… on a certain level I was doing a good job of inspiring and learning…but it is apparent that i was also unhealthy in addressing things that were going on.
This past year had me grapple with the loss of one of my closest mentors and heroes …my father. To compound the emotional storm, my daughter was grappling with her life season of change in finding herself single again with 3 active little boys and the overwhelm of it all sent her emotional/mental health sliding off into dangerous territory. Drowning in Grief and Fear aren’t very good ways to live.
This year has been the hardest year for me.
Things are settling and healing and going well but it is now that I am, in essence, coming out from hiding emotionally and looking at the terrain of my life and its apparent that the last couple years have been me shuffling and hiding behind the grief and pain and loss and filling in cracks with as much joy as i could muster but it left me with a house that has been only surface maintained.
Its hard going through the piles of notes and dreams of what COULD have been. What I spent 3 or 4 years studying and planning for and investing my energy toward…and now…those things are currently sitting in trash bags and boxes in the back of the SUV waiting to be hauled off to the recycle center. Bags full of clothes sit in the back of my car for donation. The desk that was part of a “dream room” is being hauled off today for someone else to use as that room has become that cat play room.
Its a new season.
There are new things to learn and care for.
They say your teacher will arrive when you are ready and in late July…my little teacher appeared.
Broken and scared and in need of loving, little kitten entered our lives and has required many shifts in the way we run our lives now. its been 2 months and our lives center around caring for this little guys potty needs. He is a normal active kitten but because of his spinal damage injury (before we found him), he cannot go potty on his own and needs our help. Several times a day and lots of Lysol and exploration into the world of kitty diapers and covers.
I say he is a teacher because it is requiring a slowing down…a giving up of certain things…rearranging priorities and plans. He is teaching me that its all going to be okay. Slow it down. Stop being afraid.
This is also making me a better companion for the other 8 animals that call this Home. Slow it down. Take the time. Invest in love.